NOW HIRING: Troll Inc.
“One does not just troll. An individual will troll through art.”
Thank you for your interested in our company. Please read the below to better understand our day to day operations.
Following these simple guidelines will help you stick to an unethical code with questionable morals that will lead to a conclusion not even Black Mirror could create. We at Troll Inc have spent years in the lab deciphering how to better our art. We finally present to you, “The 10 Troll Commandments.”
1. Know your why
Trolling is an art form. It is something to be mastered with time. Before you post anything, speak to yourself. What is your overall goal? Every troll needs an end game. If your answer is, “Some just want to see the world burn,” we happily accept that (review #6 for greater clarity). But do you want to stick to being a Level 1 Troll Padawan or become Master Magician of Mischief (Lavar Ball was a MMM, but requested to part ways due to other business ventures. He still follows our guidelines, as you will be able to see). We are here to help you better yourself. As always, start with a ridiculous or outlandish claim or statement. Tag people in it. Let them argue it out. Once the fire starts to die, throw another log in. Then, find an out. Make a unifying statement against what you said earlier……but also for it. Now my friend, you gain hate and love. And we love getting hate. But ah, your transformation is not yet complete.
2. Find your bridge
One thing most padawan’s fail at and eventually join the light side is that they never found their bridge. As one of our greatest success stories, former MMM Ball once said, “Stay in yo lane.” And he’s right! If you’re great at trolling with football memes, do not jump into a realm of politics if your subject knowledge is below par. We have hard working trolls gearing up for the 2032 elections (That’s right baby. We work far into the future. How else do you think all of these memes come out so fast? We had Marcus Williams designs back in 2014). Find your bridge and get underneath it. Let society come over to you. Then pounce on it.
3. Mix in truth with a cult like opinion
Aight listen up. To troll properly, you to mix fact with the art.
For example: Jay-Z’ s 4:44 is the best hip hop album every made.
Let the people disagree. They will say things such as, “Lyrically it isn’t the best. Sonically it doesn’t compare with Y.”
So what do you do now??? You agree because it is true. This disarms your opponent. They find it easier now to see your point. A great follow up to this example is saying that the message of the album has more weight than dope bars and a sound that is relevant as of today.
Now this is how you really get them. Make another statement that cannot be denied or tested.
“In 20 years, let’s see how 4:44 stacks up against any album. Let it stand the test of time against what you claim.”
A beginning was introduced. A middle was agreed. The ending always ambigious. Game, troll.
4. Company Statement
Troll Inc accepts all ethnics and people. We divide with wit, responsibly. Any members utilizing their own agenda that does not reflect company policy will have credentials pulled and banned for life.
Wow, that sounded so serious lmao. Can you type lmao if it’s not a text? Should I capitalize it? LMAO? Not sure. Damn. This is still part of the company statement. Ugh, yea. Don’t embarrass us, pretty much. Thanks.
5. Think Meme
What a Miami beach is to eyeballs is what a meme is to a troll. Always effective and straight to the point. It is very important to always think meme. The timing is everything; I cannot stress this enough. When a conclusion even looks to be on the horizon of any type of event, have your meme ready 30 minutes prior. This is how one can level up quicker. Start off with something that will never die: The Crying Jordan. We were very proud that day when it left the assembly line. Even our Child Troll Department (CTD), who have never watched the man play 1 live game, use it whenever a heartbreaking loss will occur. Which leads us to our next commandment…..
6. Break Hearts
We are not here to be loved. If a sports team or an individual who has failed his people are suffering, attack it. A troll never apologises. Go into battle immediately. Know your mark. This is what i have brought up early in commandment #1. This is where we watch the world burn. Do not let up. Do not get soft. Do not let them pass Go. Do not let them collect $200.
7. Attack the PC
At the end of the day, Troll Inc’s job is to provide laughs and call out irredeemable failures. But, we do have one mortal enemy. This enemy has wanted to shut us down since our early operations in the shadows (Troll Inc has since gone public, but employee information remains private). They can come in the form of a snowflake or as an individual who thinks they are better than the majority of us. Jokes are a foreign language. If they could, they would buy stock in safe spaces. Hollywood or a college campus resides the majority of them in their human forms. But alas, they can be found online as a social justice warrior, better known as The Politically Correct (PC) Crowd. They do not see through any lens other than their own. So you attack with the art form and facts. They will break as the fragile creatures they have always been. We are here to eradicate PC culture while standing up for human rights. Because trolls care. (I like that sentence – T-shirts/Hoodies on the way.)
8. Troll Outside Social Media
Behind the keyboard is a good start. But perfect your craft in public. The day of the fatass in mom’s basement is an image from the 90’s (They’ve all retired and are now enjoying their pensions). The art form has refined us into everyday people. It is also a great ice breaker with strangers. Team up with other Troll Inc employees to achieve even higher results (more on that later). Great way to pick up guys and girls. Troll your spouse, kids, parents.
Fun fact: Taking candy from a baby was an original troll concept before we sold the rights. Read up on your studies from the This Day In Troll History calendar.
10. Never Admit Trolling To The Uninitiated.
1st rule of Troll Inc. Always deny being a troll while actively employed. Once you declare yourself to being a troll in an open forum, Troll Inc will deny any part of your association with the company. We keep a 100% confidentiality of all of our field agents. We would never threaten your mission and bridge whereabouts. Everything we do is for the greater good of humanity. They need us as much as we need you. Whether you stick to social media or find yourself on TV, represent us well at all times.
To recognize another Troll Inc member is easy. Their love of fucked up content is always a dead give away. See below.
If you or anyone has or have found these memes to be hilarious, welcome to Troll Inc young Padawan!
And yes. We skipped number 9 because there is no 10 commandments. There’s 9. Yea. Because it’s of who we are. Should have saw that shit coming baby.